It’s Official!

 It was confirmed yesterday that there are ants in my minivan.

 Also, I received notification that I’m the official winner of the “Life… supplemented $10,000 Year of Wellness Video Contest.”

 Oh. Thank. God.

 …since I already spent the money, told everyone I knew and started this blog about winning.

Will the kayak/prize money arrive before the credit card bill?

 Take the “Confirmation Reaction Quiz.”  To celebrate, I invite you, dear 24 subscribers (and the 16 of you who were mysteriously referred to this blog yesterday by the “Obama Scandal Exposed” website), to live vicariously through me by taking the “Confirmation Reaction Quiz.”

This quiz is based entirely on information in my confirmation letter and/or gleaned from Google searches using the names of my future dietician and life coach. Imagine the choices you might make given the information in my confirmation letter, then contrast your choices with mine. (Since this blog lacks a quiz “widget,” allow me to clarify that, in all cases, my correct answer was the last.)

 Question #1: When will the $5,000 check arrive?
(a)    In 4-6 weeks
(b)    Before the credit card bill (with the new three kayaks on it) is due
(c)    After the credit card bill (with the three new kayaks on it) is due
(d)    If the answer isn’t (b), who really cares because my family budget is screwed

 Question #2: How much of the $5,000 check does my accountant say I can actually spend?
(a)    Half of it.
(b)    All of it. (Survivor Richard Hatch didn’t pay taxes, so I won’t either.)
(c)    None of it.
(d)    $1,675 of it.

 Question #3: What is the coolest thing I found out about the dietitian who will provide me with eight phone consultations?
(a)    He was the national spokesperson for the American Dietetic Association for six years.
(b)    He invented Flintstones vitamins and can arrange for me to get a year’s supply of just Bettys. (OK, that’s not true.)
(c)    He published a book on nutrition and knows Montel Williams. (I swear I did not make that up.)
(d)    He attended The Second City in Chicago.

 Question #5: What did I find most interesting about the life coach who will provide me with six phone consultations?
(a)    She and I used to have the same career.
(b)    She’s Martha Beck, and she can’t wait to tell me, exclusively, why she wears a candy necklace. (Again, not true. But a girl can dream, can’t she?)
(c)    She’s in her thirties, single and without kids – therefore highly qualified to counsel me on how I might have had more fun in my thirties.
(d)    She’s had repeated surgeries for a benign brain tumor. (Here’s the weird thing: my mom died 20 years ago from a benign brain tumor. So maybe there’s some cosmic reason why my life coach is a brain tumor survivor.)

 Question #6: Who should I hire as my personal trainer?
(a)    A trainer at my current gym.
(b)    A pro who can give me affordable lessons in something I’ve always wanted to learn, like tennis.
(c)    Prince Daniel of Sweden. (Wikipedia’s “personal trainer” page lists him as one of seven “notable personal trainers,” and I’ve decided that I must have him.)
(d)    There is no correct answer. I have no idea who to hire. What would you do?  The only criteria are that this that person has to cost approximately as much as a gym trainer, and I get to see him/her weekly for six months. And, obviously, he/she has to be an exercise specialist of some kind. And he/she can’t be located in Sweden. But he/she can be Swedish. And he/she may wear a crown. If he/she chooses to.

 Please provide your personal trainer recommendations in the comments section. And, as always, subscribe (top right) if you enjoy this blog (and understand that it has nothing to do with exposing an Obama scandal).

 DAYS KAYAKED: 4 (including one romantic sunset trip with just my husband)


11 responses to “It’s Official!

  1. Can you go to soccer camp? Can you? Can you?
    or bring home a Scandinavian Soccer Player? (with or without a crown?)

    Too silly, but congrats, and do pick your trainer carefully, and, OH, get rid of the ants…

    hugs, g

  2. This is hilarious, Wendy. You should be a writer. 😉

  3. Wendy,
    Congrats! Can I borrow your trainer, your husband, and half of the cash??

  4. Tennis lessons! Ava and I want to take tennis lessons together at some point… but the equipment scares me… or I should say the cost of the equipment … and I don’t like those silly tennis skirts… are you allowed to play tennis in normal clothes if you’re a woman? If so, why do women wear those silly skirts?

  5. Wendy I know this GREAT guy who lives on
    Meadow. He has his own place and does private training, so you don’t have to parade around infront of a bunch of people you don’t know with your trainer. I will look up his card and let you know his name and address. Super news final winner!!!! Go Wendy!! You Roc!

  6. Great Trainer: Jason Riley at Univeral Fitness. 804-726-4224. He knows his stuff. Will torture you if you like it. Will provide nutritional info. Nice to look at. Down side, he talks about Jesus, a lot… but hey I can squat with 120 lbs on my back!

  7. Denise Koenig

    I’m with Robert. This really is hilarious. LOVE the picture of the Martins in their kayaks. How fun! You crack me up. Hope the check comes before the bill but I would not hold my breath.

  8. The one I know of, who I think would be great, is not in VA. I will ask him who you should get.

  9. Pingback: My Shelvic Exam – Part I « My Year of Wellness

  10. Pingback: Personal trainer haiku | My Year of Wellness

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