My Shelvic Exam – Part I

Last week, just one day after receiving notification that I was the official winner of the Year of Wellness, I heard from Dave Grotto –the guy who will be providing me with “eight registered dietitian sessions via phone.”       

Dave Grotto: "Here to help!"

Already I’m confident that I will not mind paying taxes for Dave Grotto. Forget the cave name; he’s actually quite enlightened. After reading his website, I felt sort of flattered that he’s bothering with me.     

Reading Dave’s introductory e-mail, it occurred to me that this prize isn’t just about getting cash for kayaks. I’d lost sight of that recently… because the credit card bill with the kayaks is nearly due.     

Hearing from Dave made me optimistic about “My Year of Wellness” and my family’s future diet. Dave said he was “here to help,” encouraged me to get Todd on the phone for our first two-hour session, and said I was free to blog about him (even after reading my blog!).   

 Nutrition Housecall
In Dave’s first e-mail, he was all business, asking me to provide:     

  1. Pictures of the inside of my kitchen cabinets and refrigerator/freezer. He usually meets with patients for the first time  in their home environment to perform what he calls a “shelvic exam.”
  2. A completed “Nutritional Housecall” questionnaire. This requests my family’s chief dietary/health concerns; my medical history; information related to vices, exercise, sleep, daily activity and stress factors; and a lengthy part about my eating habits. This will help him tailor a complete dietary program for me.
  3. A picture of me wearing a form-fitting, single layer of clothing plus measurements of my neck, stomach and butt. (He actually wrote “butt,” so I knew we would get on fine.) He calls this “a tool to measure progress.” I call it “embarrassing.”

So, today I began work on Item Number 1.      

My Shelvic Exam
Who would have guessed that embarking on My Year of Wellness would result in me nearly losing an eye and almost throwing up three times?     

I decided that making a quick Flip video of the fridge would be better than a photo and the next best thing to actually having Dave here.     

Before filming, I decided it was time for an epic fridge cleaning. Todd agreed to participate. (Remember, a Scout is “helpful… obedient… and clean.” Since the fridge hadn’t been cleaned like this in some time, it was convenient that a Scout is also “brave.”)     

 Highlights of the Fridge Cleaning     

Does anything really get "crisper" in that bin?

The “Rotter” lived up to its name. A few years ago, after getting a label maker, I changed the name of the “Crisper” bin to the “Rotter.” Does anything actually get “crisper” in that bin? No. Here’s what happens in that bin: You put in fresh vegetables and salad and the next time you look in there, you find scary, soupy madness in a bag. Today’s scary, soupy madness featured a half a cucumber that I can’t even think about without gagging.     

I found condiments nearly as old as my youngest child. (She turns seven next month. Enough said.)    

Bag 1 of 3: Nothing here was older than our children.

I put myself before the planet. I was unable to recycle some food containers because if I’d had to dump out some of that stuff I would have become physically ill. 

 I nearly put out an eye, touching a wet sponge to the fridge light bulb. (Pop.)
My dog’s life was momentarily in danger. Actual conversation: Me: “Should I give this to the dog?”  Todd:Yeah… if he won’t die from eating it.” Me: (Pause… toss in the garbage.)   
So, Part I of my shelvic exam is complete. The video has been sent. Next up: Part II – The Pantry.
As always, if you enjoy this, please subscribe (top right).
DAYS KAYAKED: 6 (including a sunset/moonrise, after-dinner kayak trip with Todd last Saturday)

10 responses to “My Shelvic Exam – Part I

  1. Hilarious post! I second the “Rotter” name. That bin is a magical mystery time machine (forwards!) for food. You have inspired me to *think* about cleaning out our fridge. A sticky jar of jam and bottle of caramel sauce is doing us in. xo

    • It’s unreal how much old madness was in there. I keep opening the fridge now to gaze upon it. I keep saying to Todd, “We can EAT anything in there!” Todd is amazed that there is space in between the items. It’s motivated me to clean something every night.

  2. I hate the soupy madness. It makes me so mad.

  3. Jennifer Rankin

    My husband once ate a 10 year old can of french onion soup that he found in the cabinet. I kid you not…I don’t know which is worse- that it was in the cupboard for 10 years or that he actually ate it!

  4. You crack me up. Thanks!

  5. Jennifer Farinholt

    “Rotter” that is priceless. But Wendy, I think by cleaning before filming you compromised your Shelvic! Although, a completely impromptu Shelvic would be enough to make anyone blush…Thanks for sharing; we’re happy for you and the family.

  6. Pingback: Georgetown via the C&O Canal « My Year of Wellness

  7. Fiona told me about your blog. Do you have a post about favorite places to kayak within an hour of Richmond? We like Amelia Lake because of the spooky trees in the water. Maidens is 2nd best but it’s usually so shallow we can walk to the sandbars.

    • Hey Karen. Sorry to say I don’t have a post about best places to kayak within an hour of Richmond. We kayak most frequently on Diascund Creek, about 40 miles from Richmond. Have you ever kayaked the Kanahwa Canal here in Richmond? Put in at Pumphouse Park and take it east. Lovely, quiet and you can see some lovely homes in the Windsor Farms neighborhood.

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